Someone please call the fire department, my foot's stuck in my mouth again.

I've been putting off updating this blog for the longest time. I don't really know why. All I can really say is, I never would have guessed the reason why I came back.

It started when my roommate Pawan started sniffling last Thursday. He was talking like someone had put a clothespin over his nose. Me being the asshole that I am, I thought it was fantastically hilarious at the time.

Too bad I forgot Karma is a two-headed bitch. If it had a best friend, its name would be Irony.

I guess the red flags really started popping up when he coughed a couple of times before he left for Houston on Saturday morning. How was I to know though? Dude smokes a pack and a half a day, what else am I supposed to think when he coughs?

At least emphysema isn't contagious.

Actually, I haven't been entirely honest. My roommate doesn't actually smoke a pack and a half a day. He smokes two. He doesn't smoke at all. Anybody who knows Pawan would be shocked if this was true.

Anyway, so shit really started to smell when I came back after the UT-OSU game. My throat felt really, really, sore. I overlooked it, since I yell so much at games that it's a given anyway.

But then it kept hurting the next morning. And when I went to sleep that night.

The next morning I was coughing. Not like, dry heave coughing, or that annoying raspy old man coughing, but like, little girl coughing. WTF?!? I never do that.

Then my friend Tiffany treated me to lunch at Kinsolving. Normally, I go crazy over Kin's All Ving, since they're the only legit on-campus place to eat, and I usually finish several plates' worth of food. I didn't even get seconds. My rosemary chicken thigh was thrown away, sad and half-eaten. I was racking up clues like Sherlock Holmes, but I hoped I was wrong, just this once.

By the time the periodic nausea set in tonight, it was too late. The all-over soreness, which I thought was just DOMS from a brutal back-and-bi workout the day before, became actual pain and stiffness. My stomach seized up after I tried taking my usual dose of creatine. I got nauseous at the sheer thought of even mixing a protein shake.

It can only mean one thing.

I think I might have the flu.