Life with Landry's: Part One

I've decided to record the numerous escapades and misadventures I'm bound to have slaving away at Landry's into a blog mini-series.

For the past two days up until today, it was just boring stuff. Sign these forms. Give us these ID's. This is what you will wear. This is your server's Bible. This is how to welcome people. This is how to answer the phone. (We have to say "I can help you!" instead of "How can I help you?" when we do this. It's supposedly to make us appear assertive and make the customer feel comforted knowing someone knows what they're doing. But it's actually pretty ridiculous. I had to brush my tongue several times that night.) This is how you mix drinks. This is how we seat people. This is how you spit in customer's food. That kind of thing.

Anyway, today exploded into exciting mode. I followed JW around the restaurant as he waited tables. Everything is so tedious yet so awesome at the same time. Working the touch screen order machine, filling drinks, bringing food, regurgitating the menu, cleaning up, et cetera. Fortunately, thinking smartass wisecracks about the customers helped keep me sane. Like the time this one table couldn't decide what dessert they wanted, so after an eternity of waiting I said half-sarcastically, "Maybe you should just order them all and ask questions later." They loved it. I think I'm going to be alright at this waiter thing.

It also kind of helped that JW is kind of a badass. I was half-expecting a lame robot waiter who would recite what I'd already been learning: "This is how you do this. This is how you do that." Lucky for me, he made the whole experience pretty fun with jokes and harassing other waiters. Like the time we were going through the points system, and I asked what would happen if you cussed at a manager, since cussing in general got you docked points. J-Dub immediately flagged down Paul the floor manager.

JW: "Hey Paul. Come here."
Paul: "What? What is it?"
JW: (smiling)"Fuck you."
Paul: "Sorry, you're not my type."

So I plan on doing a lot of cussing. And smiling. But at the same time.

The best part, though, wasn't until I found out about "trainee's tab."(my word.) I get whatever I want, whenever I want, free! It's gotta be below $12.99, of course, but it's free! Not even the 50% Employee Discount. It's free! Gotta love that F word.

Once I heard about this policy from heaven, I then proceeded to order, and subsequently destroy, a fully-loaded Po-Boy dish, complete with fries and onion rings. The thing was the size of my thigh! I helped myself to three glasses of iced mouthgasm - I mean, Dr. Pepper. A small child may have also gotten in the way between my food and my mouth. I'm not sure. I was pretty hungry at the time. In any case, nothing but a few crumbs were left in the aftermath of the Po-Boy Massacre. And there I sat, satiated like a tiger that has just enjoyed its first kill.

Today was a much better experience than almost getting thrown into prison yesterday when I went to West Oaks. I hope it only gets better from here. If it does, I don't think this summer is going to be so bad after all.